my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize