I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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