so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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