I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize