We won't sleep together?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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