I want to walk on stilts...naked
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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