Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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