There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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