I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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