Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize