Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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