New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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