You're earring is so big in my mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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