you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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