and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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