dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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