Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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