On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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