Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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