You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
MIDGETS
????
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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