I am in a vortex of obligation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hippo gnu deer
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Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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