My hand turned me down
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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