ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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