i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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