I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize