No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
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I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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