1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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