Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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