birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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