Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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