someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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