guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex on a roof
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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