Who wears a wallet chain?!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize