**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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