i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick very happy bro
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have post one night stand depression
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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