may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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