Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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