Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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