4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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