why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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