i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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