i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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