Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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