he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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