I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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