I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize