She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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