I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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