you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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