I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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