just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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